Oh No He Didn't
by Syberian Quest
Summary: "Dan, it's me. We need to talk." And everything went downhill from there.


"Hello?"

"Dan, it's me. We need to talk."

"Amy?"

"Well, of course it's Amy! Who else would it be?"

"Uh, I don't know. The RIS, a pizza delivery guy… my ex-girlfriend."

"She's been after you again?"

"Not lately, but I'm not taking any chances. So… why were you calling me again?"

"Because of _him_."

"Oh, great. Seriously, Amy, as much as I'd love to listen to you ranting and raving about your little relationship problems, I'm at work. I don't have time to hear what Ian did this time."

"_Pleeeeasse?_"

"Amy, don't beg. It's not going to work."

"But, Dan, I'm your big sister. You can't turn me away."

"And why not?"

"Remember that favor I did for you? Back when you and Selena were still-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'll listen. But make it quick. My supervisor is going to kill me if she finds out I'm dealing with my sister's love life on the job."

"Thanks, Dan. I knew I could count on you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get it over with. What did Ian do this time?"

"Well, he was taking me to Prada because I needed this new outfit for that fancy dinner we were planning on going to, and Natalie recommended one of the gowns there-"

"Uh-huh."

"And everything was going fine at first – I was trying on this really pretty green one that matched my eyes – and-"

_He's rounding third base, coming in for home and – oh! He's out._

"Dan, what was that?"

"Unfair! He was tota- Oh, sorry. What were you saying?"

"Dan, _what_ are you doing?

"Oh, come on, Ames. The Red Sox are playing for the finals, and somebody set up the big T.V. in the office, so-"

"So there's really no danger of you getting in trouble for talking to me."

"Riiight. That's what I was going to say."

"Good. Now as I was saying, we were at Prada, and I was trying on this dress-"

"Uh-huh."

"-but when I came out of the changing room, do you know what I found?"

"Uh-huh."

"Dan! Are you even listening?"

"Uh-huh."

"DAN!"

"Uh- Oh, wait. What?

"You're not even listening to me."

"Come on, Amy. It's the finals. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to witness the biggest showdown between the Red Sox and the-"

"And I'm your only sister. The one who helped you with homework, saved your sorry self one too many times, and even got you out of that mess with Sel-"

"Okay, okay. I get it. I'm listening."

"_Well_, as I was saying, I came out of the changing rooms-"

"Which changing rooms?"

"The ones at Prada!"

"And you were there because?"

"To get a new outfit for Ian's dinner party! Sheesh, Dan. This is why you're supposed to listen."

"Don't worry. I'm caught up now. Keep going."

"So, I'm coming out of the changing rooms, and you know what I find?"

"Tell me."

"Ian's chatting it up with one of his ex-girlfriends!"

"Pippa again?"

"No, a different one. I haven't seen Pippa in awhile."

"Well, that's a relief. She was a nutcase."

"But anyway, there he was, _talking _to one of his exes - right in front of me!"

_Man, that's got to hurt._

"Dan, what was that?"

"Oh, just... some guys watching the game. One of the Yankees made a nasty slide into third. But really, Amy, I think you're overreacting. I mean, how many girlfriends did this guy have? It shouldn't be surprising if he runs into one of them again."

"Ah, but that's not it, Dan."

"Oh, boy."

"He didn't just talk to her. Oh, no. I walk up to him just in time to hear him saying that they should 'get together' sometime. Did you hear that? _Get together with his ex!_"

"I'm sure he didn't mea-"

"And then he gave her his number. Right in front of me! HIS NUMBER, Dan."

"Oh no he _didn't!_"

"Uh, Dan? Who was that? You don't have me on speakerphone _again_, do you?"

"… Maybe."

"Oh no he _didn't_."

"Would you get out of here, Eva?"

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!"

"Boy, you're sister's got _lungs_!"

"EVA! Amy, you still there?"

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

"I am_ so_ dead."

* * *

><p>AN – I just felt like trying an all dialogue story for once. It's short – hopefully compensating for my exceedingly long one-shot before this – but to the point. Hopefully a little humorous, too. : )

(And as for the title, it purposely was missing a comma. Since it's slang, I didn't think it would need one.)


End file.
